If you have trouble understanding our various misguided references on the Big Show consult this handy show glossary.

Bam-barded (bamboozeled & bombarded) Bam-barded (bamboozeled & retarded) Bum-boozeled (bamboozeled by a bum)
Boughten (Item from the store. Store bought) Shotten (Item obtained with a bullet.) Gotten (Obtained by a questionable nature)
Rota-tisserie (rotating rotisserie)  Micro-chasm (a very small fissure) Cracktivist (a crack pot activist)
Menard-u-ous (impossibly boring) Menardanous (impossibly arduous)  Carpool Tunnel Syndrome (ask Princess Di)
Income-pa-shit-ated (unable to afford sh#@) Poto-genic (Marybaker for someone who looks good on film) Urlackluster (Poor defense by the Bears)
Flow-able mortar (concrete instead of sand for sewer repairs) Bill-able mortar (Scott Power's plan to have citizens pay him for road repairs) Attempted mortar (the crime of being the only City in the State to require flowable mortar)
Dilapa-scape (the downtown landscape) Dilapa-sore (dilapidated downtown eyesores) Dilapery (the condition of being dilapidated)
Beer-o-crats  (thirsty bureaucrats ) Everfessant (forever bubbly ) Via-duck (if it quacks like a duck, don't fix it)
Crun-a-tic (half-crockpot, half- lunatic) The blackstroke (swimming in Walton Lake) UFBO (what Keith Jacobs saw at Remmers)
Guess-u-weather (Nat'l Weather Service) Anti-semantic (against good grammer)  Bullship (a crappy space-craft)
Astoundishing. (astonished amazement)  Conflu-ing (a confluence of something?) Severage package. (severance with leverage)
Raccuum. (A raccoon that sucks like a hoover) Introjectory (Interrupting w/ your opening remarks) Kook-cinich (Democrat hopeful)
Bunkered down (hunkered down mentality?) Cashino (Catfish Bend Cashino) Fully Miller-ed  (I've had plenty of beer)
Ex-crapolate (to project-out a crappy result) Articulent (well spoken, tender and delicious) Koo-doos (on a job well done)
Conci-edge (an edgy concierge I guess) Ray-road (you know the BNSF, Amtrak etc) Finching wedge (the golf club Rob Lowe used)
Ragito (Spanish slang for The Hawk-Eye) Rectal-fy  (back door way to handle bad things)  A crap circle. (a sewer version of a crop circle)
Atrociation  (an atrocity of epic proportions) Treacherating (treachery of epic proportions) Daylight Savior Time (set your crosses back)
Exhuberism  (very excited) Angio-plastic (heart procedure) Obliptical Sphincter (who knows)
Poo-nami (a tsunami of sewage) Cabintry (apparently cabinets Tommy-style) O-beast (obese)
Obfuriate (real mad at something hidden) Hither and yawn (here and sleepy) Ex-calculation (who knows)
Bye-ah-mee (Democrat O'bama) Pontius Powers (our City Attorney) Marabou (fluffy trim:)
Profaganda (when propaganda is profitable) Semi-Pro Bono (semi-free legal help) Ester-ick (*)
Cirque de Jerks (acrobatic idiots) Hyturbole (who the hell knows???) Venzu-wayla (home of Citgo gas)
Chicken Clinker's (overcooked nuggets) Manual compaction (what the City provides) Rush Limballs (popular talk-show host)
Egg-nostic (Your not sure if eggs exist) Snot-box (nose) Swafting (smells that slowly waft in the room)


Funny quotes from actual callers... really!

If we did a "bore" test, we'd all fail. City Council drilling test holes Fred
Bend over, baby...  The new government tax plan.  Fmr. Mayor Sandell
Every nut seems to find your phone number! The Big Show callers Listener
I'm tired of the massive incontinence! City council business John Fenton
We should put the dog park at the BMX track and call it the BM park. Dog Park Listener
A fist is worth a thousand words. Crazy rantings John Fenton
Where's all the white people? Not sure. Mary
My brass monkey's in three pieces. I have no idea! Listener
Caller ID is now less than $4 a month. Too many John Fenton calls Listener
This smells of poor cheese. Manor Mall Project Big John
There's a skunk in that woodpile. Manor Mall Project Big John
Nancy Pelosi is trying to stimulate George Bush's package. Federal stimulus package. AJ
There ain't no new news.  lousy local newspaper Fenton (head of the Dept of over-redundancy department)
I lost because the voters bought into someone else's lies. The city council election Mike Campbell (I think)
The Hawk-Eye prints more and more about less and less. lousy local newspaper listener
People who don't read the Hawk-Eye are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed. lousy local newspaper Councilman Tim Scott
Why do cows have such big veins in there ears? For Ear-rections of course. How long is a bull? Fred
The temperature was 45%. Iowa Weather John Fenton
I got the gut, she got the butt, and we're alright... Weight loss listener
It's hard to be positive when you're dead. The Manor Reincarnated Fmr. Mayor Sandell
Ell & Slagle aren't fooling anyone with their Smoke & Muirs. Manor Regurgitated Good Old #7
Stop calling it Manor Revisited - call it 
"The Spruce Bruce."
Manor Reformulated Listener AJ
That's not a statement a sane man (Ell) would make. Manor Retaliated Fmr. Mayor Sandell
It looks like Hillary ate a wrinkle machine. Hillary photos in the paper. Fred
Luck favors the retarded. Hmm, I can't remember... Can't remember
Bill Ell is waiting for Mammoth Season. Hunting A.J.
You can put a Barbie dress on a cow patty, but it's still just a pile of sh*#. Political spin A.J.
You can only put so much joy around you before some of it rubs off. Christmas with the family. Tommy
Most women are evil. (fred) Most? (listener) Martha Stewart Fred & a listener
If Barron Hilton gave his money to Paris, she'd just blow it. The Hilton Family fortune. Good Old #7
She makes my north pole go south.  Hillary Clinton conversation John Fenton
He made a shitake-load full of money. The Cubs signed Fukudome from Japan Good Ol' #7
Too much taxation, regulation and litigation. Hillary Clinton platform for President John Fenton
Hilary's carbon footprint is 14. On a scale of 10 AJ
That house in Hillsboro was buried in an earvalanche. The corn bin collapse in Hillsboro Good Old #7
Use a meat ther-monitor to check the temperature of the turkey. Thanksgiving Mary Touchdown Baker
This will tangle your tackle. can't remember listener
The Internet goes down once in a while. Why computers are replacing marriages listener
Oh no, we have another cry baby on Council. Matt Murphy's election letter Fred
Jeff Gordon came in #2 NASCAR Chase Funny Voice Guy
I'm soaking in it... Mr. Whipple died (Squeeze the Charmin) Funny Voice Guy
Tweedle Dumb, and Tweedle Dumber Two winning councilman for four year terms Good Old #7
E=bm squared  Funny Voice meets Einstein. Good Old #7
The Hawk-Eye is underwriting Civic Music-
Actually they "underwrite" every day.
Our newspaper is only 6 pages today, and three of them are ads! Good Old #7
Somebody yanked Lowell Junkins out from under the rug. The Port Authority Fight in Lee County Good Old #7
Lowell Junkins is the hairman of the Port Authority Tenderfoot Carpet & Keokuk's new factory. listener
Don't you have a monkey to erect? KCPS Auction FVG
Hilary is very "potogenic" Apparently she looks good on film. Mary Baker
Jimmy's Johnson is on Jeff Gordon's lap. NASCAR AJ
BRL (airport code) Big - Retarded - Lazy (that's us :) Guess a number between one and eight
Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?   A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls. Who needs the union comedy writers?  who else? Good Old #7 -and yes this resulted in a one-hour suspension without pay.
I know a great place to get crabs...Gulfport Fresh take-out seafood listener
My favorite broadband is the Dixie Chicks mad ramblings Good Old #7
Vote for anybody but somebody. The upcoming council election. John Fenton
His raincoat protected him from the thunderclap. Rain at the NASCAR race Good Old #7
They're gonna' sell Muir-cats at the pet store in the new Manor Mall. Manor project developer Muir Company. Good Old #7
Fenton drove 100 mph (morons per hour) Gas mileage listener
He was concerned about saving his sole. Man found human foot in cooker. Good old #7
That car knocks more than a Jehovah Witness. Local muscle cars listener
The darker the caterpillar the sweeter the juice! Wolly Bears forecasting the weather. listener
Sitting in your stupid little house on Stupid Street. Lack of perspective  on City Council overlooking Ag needs in design plan. Fred
When passion governs, she never governs wisely.  Recent bad decisions by City Council. Somebody from the olden days-Ben franklin maybe.
If you sit on your ass, you can't talk out of it. Lack of participation in local government. Good old #7
It was full of pigeons, now it's full of old coots. Hotel Burlington/downtown discussion. Good old #7
At the nursing home there's always a new wrinkle. 93 year old women who needs "companionship" listener (ok, I forgot who said it)
His heart is in the right place, but his hand is in my wallet. Tim Scott's attempts to help citizens with their sewer problems. Good old #7
He put the sue, in sewer. Scott Power City Attorney  Good old #7
I just had a breakfast burrito, I gotta' go blow out a lateral. Flowable mortar in sewer lateral repairs. AJ
I'm always willing to dicker... Car Sales at EJ's Auto Sales Big John
Betty Crocker, now there's a writer. Famous authors Big John
I gotta' go beat up a transient down by the railroad tracks... Reasons to end your call before Fred hangs up on you. AJ
He was wearing a Nextel Cup. Why Harvick wasn't hurt when Fenton kneed him in the groin. AJ
Cancel-man Campbell Fred mis-spoke because too much vacation. Fred
Are you hitting on me? Harvick vs. Montoya "fight" AJ

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get that warm feeling.

Not said on today's Big Shoe Fred already bored on vacation

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Not said on today's Big Show Fred already bored on vacation
I drive the new Honda Camry Cars with good car radios AJ (the car expert)
Three martini launch Space Shuttle Astronauts  Big John
One beer and I'm under the table. Two and I'm under the waitress  Space shuttle asstronaut boozers Big John
7Quit sprouting-off wise guy. She's spouting up like a weed. Harry K.
I ain't fightin', I'm just glad I won! Baker vs. Campbell of "Mike Kelley" airport Mary TD Baker
I take Pseudonym for my allergies.  can't remember Good old #7
Business onwers are gonna' have to start working one of these days. New minimum wage laws. John F.
I'm Hilary... look at my moustache! Hilary is a man. AJ
I can monkey around with the best of them. who knows Campbell
A dog walking down the street is a city official According to the Hawk-Eye Campbell
You wouldn't make it as a sailor in my army.  Sandell not knowing Starboard from Port. Fred
How far apart are the retractions. How bad the Hawk-Eye is getting. Good old #7
How far apart are the contraptions. The tree falling on my roof. Gov. John
Ottumwa, Oskaloosa, Waukee, Sioux Falls... That's how Trailways finds its way to Omaha. Good old #7 (while singing "I've been everywhere, man.")
They used his underpants as primer. I have no idea. Tommy
Ethanol is a load of crap. Ethanol made from other stuff besides corn. John
I'll take my ball and go home... #7's injury (down there) Good old #7
If a BIG dude is making love to my wife, I'll beat her up. Cheating on your husband. AJ
Girls dig me... when they're drunk. How handsome Jeff Gordon is... AJ
Is that weed? High school reunion with pothead friends. Suzie
The wager you are, the loser you win. I can't remember. WW John
If you let me extort you, I won't sue you. D.M. County severance package. Listener
The phrase "Sewer Welfare" came in #2. Flowable mortar in sewer repairs. Fmr. Mayor Sandell
If we did a "bore" test, we'd all fail. City Council Fred
Campbell is the chief of the Big Muddy Footprints Gang.  who knows Good old #7.
You can get the bitterness out of the coffee, but not the service... Digger's Rest Coffeehouse Fred
About twelve steps ago... When was Tommy a live wire? Good old #7.
If John Fenton gave a speech to support Campbell, even Campbell wouldn't have voted for Campbell. Miscellaneous crackpottery. Listener
We're running out of I.Q. ! Fred's argument for higher speed limits. Listener Dan
Matt Murray stood out in a field of quality crackpots. City Council candidates Fred as Bill Ell
Nature abhors a raccuum. who knows not sure
The crackpot calling the kettle black. Mike Campbell criticizing new candidates. Good old #7.
I don't know if Hilary is fat enough, but she's working on it. Hilary Clinton is a big fat liar. Campbell
Imagine one of those giant penguins coming at you with that sharp pecker... Giant penguins discovered in Peru 40 million years ago... with sharp beaks. Tommy
The Price is Left. What you'd call The Price is Right if Rosie O'Donnell hosted it. Former Mayor Sandell
So the City Attorney didn't do his job again? We're used to that by now. City council meeting. Campbell
I've walked away from more responsibility than you'll ever have. A suggested Chuck Griffin remark to the city council. Good old #7.
Jeff Abel's middle name is "un". Poor writing in The HawkEye Good old #7.
I'm forming an excratory committee to see if I should run. Campbell not sure if he'll run for city council. Fred
The camera adds 10 pounds. Did they use 3? Governor Chet Culver's Hawk-Eye photo Good Old #7
A boatload of local democrats out to raise the levies (levees.) Jeff Heland and gang out on the river to inspect the drainage district. Listener
Te gustaria acompañarme al cine con yo, senior gordo gigante?  Kevin Francis pick-up line Fred
He's run more than a pair of cheap nylons. Chuck Griffin running for city council...again. Listener
Jeff Gordon is God. NASCAR AJ. G
He put the Saar in Sarcasm.  Bob Saar's review of Ted Nugent Good Old #7
Asian hippies need not apply. Bob Saar (aging hippie) Good Old #7
The City only pays the underhead. Huck's Harbor partnership. Good Old #7
I was in the park this morning picking up trash, as opposed to the trash I picked up last night in Gulfport. Late nights at Steamboat Days. Bob Saar
Topless waitresses and bottomless beer cups. How to increase attendance at City Council meetings. Big John (helloooooooo)
They caught her brown-handed. Marshalltown Courthouse Crime Spree AJ.G
Prosecutors had nothing to go on. Marshalltown Courthouse Crime Spree Good Old #7
Suzy Butts swiped the toilet paper at the courthouse. Marshalltown Courthouse Crime Spree Good Old #7
Sometimes the straw that breaks the camel's back doesn't seem like much... but to the camel, it's everything. Mayor Mike resigning. Good Old #7
Peter N. Largement is running for erection. Spam email. Good Old #7
They bleed like a fountain when you stab 'em. Opossum and raccoon trapping.  AJ. G.
There are valid arguments on both sides. One is them is wrong and one of them is mine.  The City's FunCity Water park investment. Tommy
It would've been a feel good story if it was a hump-front whale. Wayward humpback whales in San Francisco AJ. G.
TV adds 20lbs to a racetrack. NASCAR AJ. G.
We have all the City managers we'll ever need. City manager pay increases Campbell
Earnhardt Jr. had #2 on the pole. NASCAR Dover 400 race Good Old #7
Isn't t Tommy's heart check-up Tommy
Yes, Tommy right next to the "Riddler" vein.  Tommy's heart check-up Fred
I can't run, but I can idle like crazy! Tommy's heart check-up Tommy
He who kelped it, dealt it. Beached whale discussion. Good Old #7
Currency activated temporary pleasure units. Hookers at truck stops. Gov' John
Thank you for your cervix to our country. Memorial Day discussion. Good old #7
Jeff Gordon is smokin' hot... Who's the best NASCAR driver AJ
I can't hear you over the sound of the meter running... City Atty Scott Power's legal fees. listener
Stab you in the back? Hell I'll stab you in the front too! Fred's mean streak. Fred
Campbell's best contributions are made at the smirk-session. Why Campbell never speaks at Council meetings. Good Old #7
We'll spend that money twice if we have to... Railroad whistle $15k study. Councilman Campbell
It's take your black helicopters to work week. The ride your bike to work week conspiracy. Fred
Thank you for settling...we'll see you in court. The Manor Revisited. Good Old #7
Can a vegetarian drink breast milk?  Cow parts in chocolate. Udderly delicious! John F.
He's on the watch list... not the listen list. Cat Stevens (Yousef Mohammad) Good Old #7
All the best firemen have big thumbs. How to increase water pressure from a hose. Fred
On-time means "same day." Airline on-time performance. Dan
Rotate the organ into place, then drag and drop into position on your body. Human anatomy discussion with on-line help. Fred
Someone needs to buy her a vacuum cleaner... Teresa Earnhardt and D.E.I. racing. Fred
Jeff Gordon is the best NASCAR driver right now. How much better Gordon is than Earnhardt. AJ
A fat kid on a bicycle... What could out-run Dan's Toyota Echo John@EJ's
The pedals got too hot... Why the Toyota's couldn't finish the race. John@EJ's
Expunge-Bob Squarepants Should the Hawk-Eye print children's names. Good Old #7
Colorectal Cancer is the #2 killer. A public service campaign. The Ad Council
The Manor will be the top shopping center east of West Burlington,  west of the river, north of the airport, and south of Hiway 34. Do we really need to run these people out of their homes for another shopping center?? everyone
Someday he'll be wearing the wooden coat. We all gotta' die sometime. listener
It's not the heat, it's the stupidity. Why is it so hot in the studio. Good Old #7
It's not the heat, it's the liquidity. excuses for bad shows everyone at once
You can't believe how hard it is to make toast. Philip @ Digger's complaining (again) Philip Eves
I can't hear you, you're too loud.  Philip @ Digger's  forgot his Jane Wilson's Philip Eves
Waaaaaah, I can't turn left. Dale Jr. NASCAR Car of Tomorrow Good Old #7
Campbell speaks in a verbal Roundabout The politics of the WB Roundabout listener
It's like a square, except it's round. who knows listener
I didn't like him 'til he died. Dale Earnhardt John F.
He died in none of them... Richard Petty's racing career Good Old #7
Penetrate those hard to reach places KCPS signal strength Hawk-Eye Newspaper
Nissan, Pinto, and the Santa Catalina What cars did Columbus drive? various listeners
We put the "butt" in rebuttal. Legal strategy Good Old #7
If I could have sex with NASCAR, I would. NASCAR fanatic Big Bill Wright
Mike Wallace will hit the Morley Safer barrier NASCAR discussion Good Old #7
Amelia Earnhardt flies the #8 plane.  NASCAR discussion Fred
Tony LaRussa drives the .08 car. NASCAR discussion Good Old #7
Dick Trickle drives the Flomax car. NASCAR discussion Good Old #7
Johnny Brown drives the #2 car. NASCAR discussion Fred
The prosecutor had nothing "to go on." Public Defender trial Good Old #7
We heard about the case on Pee.B.S. Public Defender trial Good Old #7
He ordered the seizure salad. Public Defender trial Good Old #7
If you outlaw spears, only outlaws will have spears. Va. Tech tragedy. Campbell
Can you say "sheet" on the radio? Gretchen Saathoff used sheet music on stage. Fmr. Mayor Sandell
Corn-FedEx Federal Express' Iowa operation. Good Old #7
He looks just like Seven, but with brains. Describing somebody's physical description. who knows
If you can see it... tax it! Satellite dish tax being considered by cities. Councilman Mike Campbell
The whole paper is bogus. The Hawk-Eye got the fact wrong...again. Fmr. Mayor Sandell
Were you de-pants'd? Did she handle "it"? Tommy's medical exam. Fred
Let's just do the freakin' menu, ok? Digger's Rest lunch Phillip
We put the broad in broadband. website discussion Good Old #7
Indy Racing has Danica Patrick,
NASCAR has Jeff Gordon.
A discussion about why Indy Cars are for sissies. Good Old #7
No visitors & The Dr. was very thorough Tommy's prostate test Tommy
John Lennon was moderately talented, but vastly overrated.  Famous commies Fred & listeners
Just because you can drive a vacuum sweeper doesn't mean you can drive a car. Why no women are in NASCAR listener
It was clear from the tests that Tommy had stool in his blood. Urine test for Tommy who knows
We're just one big expensive building away from perfection. discussion of Downtown Burlington Listener
That's the same filth that I enjoy. discussion of the Don & Mike Show Tommy
You put the "screw" in scrutiny.  talking about the County Supervisors budget Fred
Kevin doesn't have a fetish, he has a fat-ish. talking to our old friend Kevin Francis Good Old #7
We've got a billable case Scott Powers legal re:  the railroad lawsuit. Good Old #7
Scott Powers hasn't lost a case in almost 3 days. Eminent Domain Campbell
190 over 40 is his systolic over his I.Q. FVG's blood pressure reading Good Old #7
Let's put an end to taxation through an armed insurrection.  High tax rates Listener
The lawyers all stick together, like flypaper. who knows Listener
Bend over, baby...  The new government tax plan.  Fmr. Mayor Sandell
He puts the "ig" in ignoid. Presidential candidate autograph hounds. Good Old #7
It's the inseam on his blue jeans that make him look short... John Edwards Listener
A tornado!! Quick duck under  the Southwest corner of the bathtub... Mixed metaphors  Good Old #7
He's in Toyko, because he still has a yen for young boys... Michael Jackson show in Japan Good Old #7
We put the "poo" in pool... The $4.5 million West Burlintgon Pool Good Old #7
God wants me to be poor. who knows Councilman Campbell
Does gold bullion taste better than chicken bullion? -and- 
I put kruggerands on my salad... delicious
The flawed new gold dollar coin Listener
They don't have airplanes...just black helicopters The airport conspiracy. Good Old #7
If you were an incompetent manager, would you want to be closer or further from your boss? The Hawk-Eye Newspaper favoring the Kansas City Airport service. Fred
That's not a statement that a sane man
 would make...
Comment on Bill Ell's budget opinion.  Fr. Mayor Sandell
He's on the Speaker-Throne... Councilman Campbell was speaking from his bathroom phone. Good Old #7
What kind of abatement did the porn store get?   Speaking about West Burlington's "Master Plan" Good Old #7


We're really under the barrel now. We're over the gun  
Grab the bull by the reins. She's a bucket of laughs. You're treading on thin water.
You can have your pie and eat it too. He froze like a deer with his head cut off. One in the hand is worth it's weight in gold. 
It's not rocket surgery. Even a blind squirrel is right twice a day. Why put off 'til tomorrow, what your Country can do for you.
You're skating on hot water. It's not how deep you plow, it's the motion of the ocean. It's not the size of the boat, but how long you stay in the field.